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<2012.01> I Truely Believe

Martin Hwang | Germany
My name is Martin Hwang, korean name is 황재혁 and I am 37 years old. I was saved on the 5th of November 2011. Here is the story of my fourteen-year-long search.
I was born and raised in Dortmund, Germany but moved to Dusseldorf in 1994 when I started medical school. A friend of mine who I had known from childhood on already studied medicine in Dusseldorf. Her name is Chi-Won Park. About two years later when she moved into the dormitory where I lived, she introduced me to her roommate In-Ae Lee. She began to talk to me about the bible. She suggested that I attend the Bible conference. I had received some religious education during mid- and highschool time, but this seemed to me like any other subject I learned about. I also did not think that the bible was true. Still, I accepted an invitation to a bible conference which took place in Burg Bilstein, Germany in 1997.
The sermons were numerous and long and at the end of the conference I just thought: well, quite interesting concept, but I did not feel affected in anyway. However, I stayed in contact with In-Ae and with the time passing on, I also watched the BIT tapes and went to some bible conferences. Looking back from today, I think I was more attracted by the friendly and welcoming atmosphere; I also regarded this as an opportunity to make friends. I had no longing inside me to search for God or looking for truth. At that time I felt fine in my life, my studies were going along very well, so why look for something else?
Then there was a long time when I had no interest in the bible at all. I did not go to any conferences and neither I had contact to the moim. I was absorbed by my work life. But eventually, In-Ae resumed contact with me and I started going to the conferences again, even though it was more like an annual routine rather than a serious search for God. It was during that time that I realized that the bible was true. I could not find any contradictions and also the history of the Jews made sense to me.
But there was always a point I could not relate to: my sins. Although I understood what sins were, I did not think of myself as a sinner. When In-Ae asked me if I thought of her as a sinner, I told her yes right away, but it was a no for myself. How stubborn in retrospect.
 I had personal counseling, mainly because I was asked and not because I asked for it myself. After these counselings, I always thought I did not know enough to come to a solution. I wanted to read more in the bible, think more of myself and then maybe have a better foundation. Salvation had no actual meaning to me, the only thing I was aware of was that there was a thing within the moim I could not explain; something uniting so that everyone was aiming for the same goal.
Back home, I never managed to keep my resolutions. After a few weeks time, I would be lost again in daily life: work, meeting friends, the internet... All these things were a very strong distraction for me but I did not realize that they did not make me happy.
Then again, time passed by without me making any progress. Two years ago, we started a Monday meeting, which, in the beginning, mostly consisted of Ki-Ok Lee, Theres Herbrand and myself. We watched the BIT tapes again and when that was done, went over to watch nearly all conference sermons that were available in the KWS. In the end, I was not sure if these meetings were quite helpful and my
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