Andry | MadagascarI was the youngest in my family. My father was already 48 years old when I was born. Because of his age and the disabling illness which he was victim of, he could not do anything when I needed him most. At school and in my area, I was also often the smallest one that I was often victim of mockery, bullying and intimidation. I felt a little marginal. My elder brothers and sisters were gone almost everywhere throughout the island to follow up their studies and work, I felt rather deserted before going to school. I had no one to talk to. I often had to prepare my own breakfast and lunch since the age of 8 before going to school. When I needed my parents, my brothers and my sisters, they were not with me. The money and clothes that they used to send me could not fill the gap in my life. Thus, I had become solitary, timid and withdrawn. I would hardly spoke at school. I had become withdrawn and focused on my studies. I learnt many things by myself (self-taught student); therefore, I learnt not to depend but on my own efforts. As I remember, when I was younger boy, we lived in affluence  since my father had his job, my mother worked for herself and my step-sister sent "material support" for us regularly. But the situation changed in the middle of the second republic in Madagascar and that also affected us. I had, like my brothers and my sisters, to do casual jobs in order to survive.  During all those times, no one told me about the Bible; no one forced me to go to church; I was so far away from God. I did not know Him at all. I had no assurance in life. I lived one day at a time, my own way, in pursuit of something that I did not know at all. I was stirred by my scholastic success to become very ambitious. Moreover, I was very proud of myself and I found it difficult to accept to rank 2nd in my class. I had to be top of the class, the best one! I always had this mentality hidden in me. In short, I could not feel but loneliness, neglected state, lack of assurance, but also ambition and pride. All those negative feelings. In College, competition was fierce. Because of the elitism which prevailed there, people had a very bad mentality that affected me. So, I had become individualistic. On top of the feelings and characters before, I also had self-esteem. I succeeded after a fierce battle and I thought that it was thanks to me. I completely ignored God and I did not care about His Word. I read the Bible a little with the Jehovah? Witness, but to me it was like an obligation, pure hypocrisy. I remember well my attitude, one Saturday morning, when I was in 4th academic year. I criticized the Bible openly in front of my college friends. It was serious. Really, I acknowledge now that, to me, God did not exist even if I though I believed in God the Creator. My attitude proved it.   Always when I was in College, I lived freely according to my own will. As there was no one to punish me for my acts, I lived a wretched life. I did shameful things. I even went to Tamatave and Antsirabe with my friends to go out to nightclubs and satisfy the pleasures of the flesh. But I was not afraid of God. I did not think that He could observe me. In fact, I admit now that I ignored even His existence. I only thought of succeeding in my studies, get my degrees, seek for a stable job and meet my material needs. Spiritual matters had no place in my life. When I started to really work as a fulltimer, I focused on my job and every week-end, I had to go out to relax. I thought of nothing else. On top of my way of life, my characters and feelings mentioned above, I learnt to drink wine (I took much of it). I was not blind drunk, but I know that inside of me, I wanted to be so and I had the possibility to be so. Deeper and deeper I sank into the world. In 2005, I was

정회원으로 가입하시면 전체기사와 사진(동영상)을 보실수 있습니다.